Augustine

 

Confessions 7

Augustine's First Mystical Vision

 

     
 

10. And being thus warned to return to myself, I entered into my inward self, with you leading me on; and I was able to do it, because you were my helper. And I entered, and with the eye of my soul (such as it was) saw above the same eye of my soul, above my mind, an unchangeable light? Not this common light, which all flesh may look upon, nor, as it were, a greater one of the same kind, as though the brightness of this should be much more resplendent, and with its greatness fill up all things. Not like this was that light, but different from all these. Nor was it above my mind as oil is above water, nor as heaven above earth; but above it was, because it made me, and I below it, because I was made by it. He who knows the Truth knows that Light; and he that knows it knows eternity. Love knows it. O Eternal Truth, and true Love, and beloved Eternity! You are my God; to you do I sigh both night and day. When I first knew you, you lifted me up, so that I might see there was something I might see, and that I lacked the ability to see it.  And you beat back the infirmity of my sight, pouring forth upon me most strongly your beams of light, and I trembled with love and fear; and I found myself to be far off from you, in the region of dissimilarity, as if I heard this voice of yours from on high: "I am the food of strong men; grow, and you shall feed upon me; and you will not convert me, like the food of the body into yourself, but you shall be converted into me." And I learned that you for iniquity correct man, and you make my soul to consume away like a spider? And I said, "Is Truth, therefore, nothing because it is neither diffused through space, finite, nor infinite?" And you cried to me from afar, "I am that I am."  And I heard this, as one hears things in the heart, and there was no room for doubt; and I should sooner doubt that my own existence than that Truth is not, which is "clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made."....

17. And I marveled that I now loved you, and not some figment of the imagination in place of you. And yet I did not stay in the enjoyment of my God.  I was swept away to you by your own beauty beauty, and then I was torn away from you by mine own weight, sinking with grief into these inferior things. This weight was carnal custom. Yet there remained a remembrance of you with me; nor did I any way doubt that there was one to whom I might cleave, but that I was not yet one who could cleave to you; for that the body which is corrupted drags down the soul, and the earthly dwelling weighs down the mind which thinks upon many things? And most certain I was that your "invisible things from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even your eternal power and Godhead." For, inquiring as to how it was it was that I admired the beauty of bodies whether celestial or terrestrial, and what supported me in judging correctly on things mutable, and pronouncing, "This should be thus, this not, ",--inquiring, then, how it was that I so judged, seeing I did so judge, I had found the unchangeable and true eternity of Truth, above my changeable mind. 

And thus, by degrees, I passed from bodies to the soul, which makes use of the senses of the body to perceive; and from there to its inward faculty, to which the bodily senses represent outward things.  The faculties if animals extend as far as this.

From there I passed on to the reasoning faculty, though which whatever is received from the senses of the body is referred to be judged, which also, finding itself to be subject to change, raised itself up to its own intelligence, and from habit drew away my thoughts, withdrawing itself from the crowds of contradictory phantasms.  It strove to discover that light by which it was besprinkled, when, without all doubting, it cried out, "that the unchangeable was to be preferred before the changeable;" for unless it has knowledge in some way of the unchangeable, it could in no way prefer it to the changeable.

And then, with the flash of a trembling glance, my mind arrived at That Which Is. And then I saw your invisible things understood by the things that are made? But I had not the power to keep my eyes fixed there; and in my weakness I felt myself falling back and returning to my accustomed habits, carrying with me nothings but a loving memory, and a longing for what may be described as a kind of food of which I had perceived the fragrance but which I was not yet able to eat.

Augustine.  Confessions.  Trans.  J.G. Pikington.  Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers.  Vol. I.  T and T Clark, 1896.